For families

Checklists and aftercare

Everything on this page is made to be printed and stuck on the fridge. There is also a short form about the baby you can fill in and send me, if you would rather not go through it on the phone.

Before the Bris

A short checklist. Anything not on this list is mine to worry about.

  • Call me with the exact date and time of birth, so we fix the correct eighth day together
  • Decide where it will be held — home, shul, or a hall
  • Decide roughly what time in the morning suits you
  • Choose the honors and who will receive them (see The Ceremony)
  • Have the Hebrew name chosen, including the father’s Hebrew name
  • Tell me anything at all about the baby’s health, however minor it seems
  • Let me know if any guest needs a step-free entrance or somewhere to sit

On the day, please have ready

  • A firm pillow
  • A small table, cleared, with good light on it
  • Two chairs placed together for the honors
  • A clean room where the baby can be changed
  • Wine or grape juice, and a cup
  • The baby not fed for roughly the half hour before, if that is comfortable for you
If anything is missing, it is not a crisis. Call me the night before and we will sort it out. Nothing on this list is worth losing sleep over.

About the baby

These are the things I need to know before the day. We can go through them on the phone in two minutes — most families do. But if you would rather write it down, fill this in and send it to me. There are no wrong answers, and nothing here is a test. If you do not know something, leave it blank and we will talk about it.

Your details

The birth

Health

If the bilirubin is high, the Bris is postponed until it comes down. That is not caution on my part — halacha itself requires it, and no Bris is worth a risk to a baby. If a level has been taken, tell me the number and when; if you do not have one, say so and we will talk about it.

For the ceremony

These three questions are about a Pidyon Haben, which takes place on the thirty-first day if he is a firstborn son to his mother, born naturally, and the father is not a Kohen or Levi. It is a separate occasion from the Bris. I ask now so that if one is needed, you are told well in advance rather than the week it falls due.

Anything else

Nothing is sent anywhere until you press one of these. Your answers go straight to me and nowhere else.

Aftercare

I go through all of this with you in person before I leave, and leave it in writing. This page is here so you have it again at two in the morning when you cannot find the paper.

The first day

  • Change the dressing as I showed you, and no more often than that
  • Feed normally — most babies feed within the hour and settle quickly
  • Expect the area to look red and a little swollen. That is normal
  • A small amount of yellowish film as it heals is normal, and is not infection
  • Some spotting of blood on the diaper in the first hours is normal

The first week

  • Keep the area clean and dry, and change diapers often
  • Apply ointment as I showed you, at each change
  • Fasten the diaper loosely so nothing presses on the area
  • Healing is usually well advanced within a week
  • I will check in with you during these days
Call me straight away if you see any of these. Bleeding that soaks through a diaper or does not stop with gentle pressure; a fever; the baby refusing to feed; swelling that is getting worse rather than better after the second day; no wet diaper in eight hours; or anything at all that simply does not look right to you. Rabbi Ekstein — 845-467-8595, at any hour. If you cannot reach me and it is urgent, call your pediatrician or go to the emergency room. Do not wait for me to call back.

For adults: what to have ready

Before an adult Bris I will ask you to complete two short forms — one about your background and what brought you to this, and one about your medical history, which is reviewed by a medical professional. I will send them to you. This is what to have to hand when you sit down with them.

  • Any medical conditions you have now, and any significant ones in the past
  • Every operation you have had, with roughly the year
  • All medications you take, with the dose and how often
  • Whether you have ever taken blood thinners, and whether you take them now
  • Any allergies — medications, latex, anything else
  • Any doctor currently treating you, and their contact details
  • An emergency contact: name, relationship, phone number
  • Whether you smoke, and roughly how much you drink
  • If you are converting: the beis din or sponsoring rabbi handling it
  • Someone who can drive you home afterwards
Answer everything honestly, including the parts you would rather not put in writing. The medical form exists to keep you safe, and it is read by a medical professional, not by your community. Your answers stay between us.

Anything at all you are unsure about

Do not sit with it. Call me and ask. I have heard the question before, and if I have not, I would like to.

845-467-8595

Let’s speak.

No obligation, and no question is too small. Call whenever suits you.

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