Rabbi Shlome Ekstein Certified Mohel

For families

The ceremony

What each part means, and who does what. Read it if you like knowing in advance; skip it if you would rather I simply guide you on the day. Either is fine.

The honors

A Bris is one of the few occasions where a family gets to say publicly who matters to them. That is what the honors are for. There is no fixed rule about who receives which, and no honor is owed to anyone — these are yours to give.

Kvatter and Kvatterin
The couple who carry the baby into the room. Often given to a couple who do not yet have children, as a blessing for them.
Sandek
The one who holds the baby during the Bris. This is the greatest of the honors, and most families give it to a grandfather or to their Rav.
Kisei shel Eliyahu
By tradition Eliyahu HaNavi attends every Bris, and a chair is set aside for him. This is really two honors, and most families give them to two different people: bringing the baby to the chair, and lifting him from the chair to the sandek.
Amidah LeBrachos
Holding the baby, standing, while the brachos are said after the Bris.
The brachos
Saying the brachos over the wine and giving the child his name. Some families split this between two people, one for each.

If you are wondering which honor is the greater one

There is a customary order, and families often find it useful when they are working out who should receive what:

  1. Mohel
  2. Sandek
  3. The brachos
  4. Amidah lebrachos
  5. Bringing the baby to the Kisei shel Eliyahu
  6. Lifting the baby from the Kisei shel Eliyahu
  7. Kvatter

There are more honors at a Bris than most families expect, which means you can honor a great many people. That is the point of them.

One kindness worth remembering. Before you give the kvatter to a couple who do not yet have children, ask them quietly whether they would like it. It is given as a segulah and it is meant warmly — but not everyone wants to stand in front of a room in that role, and some are too embarrassed to say so once it has been announced. A private question beforehand costs nothing and spares a great deal.
Decide these in advance, not on the morning. Ten minutes on the phone with me a few days before saves a great deal of whispering in a crowded room. Write the names down and I will keep you right on the day.

In order

How it runs

  1. The baby is brought in

    The kvatterin takes the baby from the mother and passes him to the kvatter, who brings him into the room. Everyone present rises and says Boruch haba.

  2. The Chair of Eliyahu

    The baby is placed briefly on the chair set aside for Eliyahu HaNavi, the guardian of the covenant, who by tradition is present at every Bris.

  3. The Bris

    The sandek holds the baby. The father says the blessing appointing me as his agent, and the Bris is performed. It is brief. I work calmly and without rushing, and I say aloud what I am doing for anyone who wants to follow.

  4. The blessings

    The blessing over wine is recited, and the blessing thanking Hashem for the covenant. This is the point at which the room usually breathes out.

  5. The naming

    Your son is given his Hebrew name, with the blessing that he grow to Torah, to chuppah and to good deeds. For most families this is the moment they remember, and the one worth having someone ready to record.

  6. The seudas mitzvah

    The meal that follows is itself part of the mitzvah, not an add-on to it. This is where the day properly begins. I am glad to stay, and glad to answer any question a guest or a grandparent wants to ask. If you would like me to arrange the seudah, or if the cost of it is a difficulty, say so when we speak — it can be taken care of, quietly.

Questions families ask about the ceremony

How long does it take?
From the baby being brought in to the naming is usually about fifteen minutes. The gathering around it runs far longer, as it should.

Does the mother need to be in the room?
No. Some mothers want to be right there, some prefer another room, and both are completely normal. Nobody will think anything of it either way.

What about a Pidyon Haben?
If your son is a firstborn to both parents and born naturally, a Pidyon Haben takes place on the thirty-first day. It is a separate occasion from the Bris. Mention it when we speak and I will make sure you know what is needed and when.

We are Sephardic. Is anything different?
Some of the customs and the order of the blessings differ, and I follow your family minhag, not mine. Tell me your family’s custom when we speak and, if you would like, I will confirm the details with your Rav.

What I bring

All sterile, single-use instruments, prepared for your child alone, plus everything else the ceremony requires. You do not need to source anything.

What you provide

A firm pillow, a small cleared table with good light, two chairs, wine or grape juice and a cup. The full list is on the checklists page.

If you want it recorded

Tell whoever is filming to stand where I show them before we begin. It saves them moving around during the ceremony itself.

Let’s speak.

No obligation, and no question is too small. Call whenever suits you.

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